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On Oct. 15th, Craigslist started charging $25 to post a job ad in Philadelphia. The idea is that this would get rid of junk ads. Especially considering that most sites charge far more to post an ad, its still a good deal.

However, it still has had an impact on the number of listings already, and has made my job harder. Epic fail. I REALLY need this job interview on Wednesday to work out. Not just for my career, but also for my sanity.

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b hive

Im so havin the worse month of the year. I keep havin trouble wit women lately that is not even funny anymore. First i bumped into my ex lindz wit usagi chan at seaside 3 weekz ago wit another fucktard, that really just lit the fire or jealousy... I totally exploded up on apos;em, i even broke the motherfuckerz rib. But im sure heapos;ll fuckin live wit it... I mean i lived wit 4 broken ribz so he should be able to unless hez nothin but a fuckin crybaby. And thx for her, ever since that day ive been under a cynical mood. Just a lil provoke from any female, i can fuckin blow u up. Im sure kiera and dale have gone thro hell wit me, and i also blew sarah up as well. Takin my anger out on kiera and dale kinda gave me the guilt but... For sarah... I dont think i even wanna deal wit her again. Shez alwayz pmsin, and she getz pissed at u when u cant understand anythin she sayz when shez mad, she blamez shit on u and she triez to take her anger out on u. She bitchz u out for nothin u do then a few weekz later came apologizin and tryin to put everythin aside and start all over again, it happened last time and ive gone thro shit wit her once. However, this time im not wantin to go thro wit her again, she really needz to get her bfz head outta her ass. Sorry, i dont take shit from female..well not anymore that is. Please take ur shit else where, where it belongz. I dont wanna deal wit u again, it really killz brain cellz which i dont have that much anymore, now that work is overloaded and everyday im worked like a slave. I really need to keep as much brain cellz as possible, and i dont plan to waste anymore of apos;em on u. I dont care if u blocked me or not wantin to talk to me again, is ok.. Cus to be honest..i dont think i wanna talk to u again either. So the feelin is mutual. Have a nice life from now on that has no connection wit mine and dont ever come across mine either. ;]
other than that, im doin fine.. And will get better. I will prove to the world or just to my ex that i will live better than she is. Until then, bite me ;B



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acert technology

Yeah, once again, itapos;s been a while. My car still isnapos;t fixed. I donapos;t know if i mentioned this before, but i found out that the motor blew. It wasnapos;t just the starter like everyone thought. Oh well. My uncle should be back from moose hunting sometime this week, so hopefully iapos;ll have my car back soon. I miss it

i didnapos;t do a whole lot today. I woke up at 10, got ready for the day, and then around 1:30 my mom and i left for brunswick. I had a dentist appointment�for my wisdom teeth. I only need the two bottom ones taken out, and the top ones are fine. November 21st is the day iapos;m having it done. Iapos;m really fucking scared. :[ i hope i donapos;t die.

after that we went to mcdonalds. HORRIBLE, i know i rarely eat there though, so i guess itapos;s okay. When we left there we went to wal-mart so i could get some new socks and then we stopped at big alapos;s. I got a wooden bear keychain and muscle car 2009 calender for travis. Heapos;ll love it. :]

on the way home we stopped at my grammyapos;s to find a baby picture of myself for the yearbook. We found some really cute ones. It was hard to pick haha. Ah, i canapos;t believe iapos;m a senior already. Itapos;s also hard to believe iapos;ll be 18 in 7 fucking days. Itapos;s crazy how time goes by so quickly.

ooh, man. Hopefully iapos;ll be able to see travis tomorrow. I miss him. Heapos;s goinapos; to little everettapos;s place at some point tomorrow night. Ugh. Hopefully he has a good time

yeah, i need to go to bed.

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food science experiments

Coreyapos;s brother has a rare cancer. He told me heapos;s been going to and from Boston to help with his brotherapos;s family...and the chemo treatments just to make sure that the cancer didnapos;t spread to the rest of his body.

5 minutes is all it would take to satisfy me another month. 5 minutes of just holding him. And being with him. Talking with him. Giving him what heapos;d need. He knows Iapos;m here for him. He told me he thinks about me a lot and that he misses me terribly. Saying I miss you isnapos;t like an apology that lifts the feeling. It isnapos;t like saying I love you. Whenever we say it, itapos;s just the matter of knowing that weapos;re missing each other... Together.

Le sigh. Iapos;ll make a happier post soon. Last weekend was a total blast. But in the meantime, Iapos;m really just thinking and worrying and missing someone whoapos;s surprising entrance into my life means so much to me.

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The cold has finally set in, and this fact makes me so utterly happy that it isnapos;t even funny. Well, maybe in a morbid way.

The cold soothes me. Because then I donapos;t feel so misplaced in this world. The world around me is cold and barren and frozen too. In this season I really belong.

Gods, what the fuck am I supposed to say? I found that feeling of displeasure. And I found something to fill the gap. And lost it. But of course, I would lose the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world. Itapos;s life for me.

Truth? Want the truth? Here it is:

I hate my life. Not my life, per se, but the blood pumping through my veins the air flowing in and out of my lungs. I hate my very exsitence. Iapos;m done with life, done with the hurt, done with the lies. Iapos;m done with crying myself to sleep at night, or similarly, not having any tears to cry at night. Iapos;m tired of hurting those I love, or being hurt in turn by them. Why canapos;t there just be happiness? Or hell, if not happiness then some kind of weird compromise to where Iapos;m not so miserable all the time? Why canapos;t I find a place where I am comfortable with me being who I am?

I canapos;t pretend anymore. I canapos;t live in this world and smile. Iapos;m not happy. And Iapos;m afraid Iapos;ll never know what happiness is again. I would trade whatapos;s left of my soul, my broken heart, my very humanity for one moment of pure happiness. But alas, I donapos;t have that many bargining chips. And then, who would want me? Iapos;d be more of a mere shell of a person.

Love is bitter and cold and will eat you alive.

So I guess Iapos;m dead. Those who fear love fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. Well, I donapos;t just fear love, I detest it. I hate the very concept. I want to be alone and desolate. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Iapos;m human. Of course I donapos;t want to be alone. Well, I do, but I donapos;t. Gah, if I could figure out my own heart.

Maybe the issue is that I have figured out my own heart, and itapos;s not what I want. My mind wants something different than my heart, my body something different than either. I want to scream. I hate self exploration. Nothing life finding your own demons.

In a drunken stupor, this brief conversation was had:

"I love you, you have no idea how much, and that will never change. I will never leave you behind."

"But you love him [meaning Rob] so thereapos;s nothing to be done."

Passes the fuck out.

And heapos;ll never remember it.

Nor will he remember me promising to walk away from Rob and everything I feel for him just to be with the one I love. And that doesnapos;t matter. Because I am destined to live a life alone.

Sigh.

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enemies of ladybug

Worked out again today even though I had already completely talked myself out of it haha. I ended up pushing myself and got in a quick 40 min of cardio. Way better than nothing and I should have enough energy to work out hard again tomorrow. My intake was a little high but Iapos;m not going to stress. Doing at least 40 minutes of cardio 5 times a week is going to up my appetite but itapos;s also going to sky rocket my metabolism. Iapos;m expecting some new ephedra supplements in the mail within the next few days too. Iapos;m feeling a little better about the boy situation, at least for now, I think the endorphins are playing a role.

I walked out of the gym today feeling genuinely free. I wasnapos;t light headed or faint, I had that extreme clarity that can only come with a good workout or a day of hunger. I havenapos;t restricted in a long time but I remember the feeling well. That crisp light feeling that lets you know you have begun to exist on a level outside of basic animal existence. I missed that feeling. After eating too much later in the day I miss it now, but I can probably get it back tomorrow. This is definitely a motivation I had not expected
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be car care

Friends,
My shoulder is sore. No doubt where I broke it years ago
and perhaps from some strain during day or night or
weather etc. Well... Donapos;t feel like doing much of a post.
We have celebrated Winnie the Pooh as unconditionally elected
president of this journal...
Perhaps again as in 2004 we might do a Presidential poll for
the American election. We did in 2004 and got a fairly
strong majority for the eventually losing candidate so it
is not predictive but somehow interesting as showing what
you all feel...

Let me first outline some notes on my own politcial ideas such
as they are,and then notes on the poll.
1) My candidate this year in a small way was Michael Bloomberg
who is I suppose regarded as center-left.
2)I do not have yet any very high regard for either candidate
but I hope and rather expect either will serve the Republic
well when one or the other is elected.
3)I do not regard the two party stands on the issues as
representing any very major difference.
4)I am grateful that we have however two actually separate
parties and not two sock puppets of a single body.
5)I am optimistic about the future of the human race,
and even of this Republic.
6)important issues for me not much spoken about include
the Space program and the transmission of our literature
and civic culture.

Now the poll:
I. Is just for fun to see what is the orientation of the
readership here. If anyone is interested to participate.
II. Is in secret ballot. I will I suppose be able to see
who voted for whom but there is no way that the one choice
or the other will lower my opinion of you.
III. On consideration I have left out Ralph Nader and the
Libertarian or Constitution Party or other candidates whom
I think some of you favor, but ,well, that is my sense of
it that they will not play a role beyond 2-3 percent aggregate
in the general election so letapos;s keep it simple.
IV. The not voting option is for people not American,
not of voting age, not voting in any case.
So...

[Error: Invalid poll ID 1278472]

Today just this, welcome your notes, I will take third party
votes as names in comments and add them in if you wish,
and join you in hoping the
results of the actual election will serve the future well, yours
+Seraphim
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The Pirates of Cinque Terra are two Sicilian twins who run the best pastry shop in town. Seriously. He promised the best Cannoli of our lives and delivered. We go there for breakfast every morning for freshly made pastries. They have a crowd of mostly tourists but itapos;s not a touristy place. They make damn good food, take time to talk and mess around with everyone, have pirate themed decor, and make fun of all the other restaurants in town.

Other than that we had one hike to a nearby town on a trail through vioneyards and olive groves terraced into the cliffs, and a wholer lot of sitting around, sleeping, and generally doing nothing.

We met a variety of nice Americans, well travelled and interesting to talk to, appreciative of the local culture and not obnoxious.

Thatapos;s all for now as internet is crazy expensive here.

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alitalia schedule

Ive got only one thing to say tonight, its a very old saying but all too true: Actions speak louder than words.

A person can say something all day long, but until those words are put into action they have no meaning.

Donapos;t tell me that you love me or that you are my friend...SHOW ME. Words without action are empty.

I am finding that it is very difficult to find and make new true friends, Most people that think they know me only know a small part of who I am and react to me accordingly. I dont know how to change their image of me.

I think I need to get serious about looking for a bigger town to live in. It seems that I have exhausted the small resources of potential friends in this town...I need more...and I need a lover...boyfriend or whatever....soon...OK...Ok...I know I have already said more than I intended to say, but sometimes things start spilling out of my mind, its hard to stop...Its weird because its harder for me to speak my mind in person...but I guess in fact there is no one that would want to hear it anyway.
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